Changes

I just came back from dropping off a wedding present for my friend Michael, who recently got married in Salt Lake City to a beautiful girl named Lessa. Michael was my best friend in middle school and at Church through high school; he was the first person I came out to at the beginning of senior year. We drifted apart a bit over our respective college years: he went off to BYU in between a two-year mission for the LDS Church, and I went off to Amherst. With the help of the Internet and cell phone technology, we stayed in touch through the years. Now he's a married man. Alas, I can't go to his reception on Saturday because my brother is getting married in San Diego that same day, which is why I'm in California right now. Apparently it's marriage season.

I think I've harbored a lot of pent-up angst about my brother's wedding relative to marriage equality. While I'm here supporting his decision to marry the woman of his dreams, it irks me to think that my brother wouldn't vote for gay marriage so I could do the same with a man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Last night, on the way back from the airport, my mother and I had a long and intense discussion about my anger about this issue. The personal, I fervently believe, is political. It's not pleasant to think of my own Republican-voting family as political enemies, but that's what they are. It's not a game that I want to play: apocalyptic evangelicals are the ones who advance an us-versus-them mentality against gays and immigrants and career-oriented women and minorities. It's hard to be "at peace" and "happy" when someone is attacking your fundamental rights. The question, of course, is whether marriage is a fundamental and inalienable right. The most recent New York state decision says that it isn't, because the state has a vested interest in certain family environments for the protection of children. It seems an intuitive truth that marriage has accrued social meaning beyond its function as the start of a heterosexual family unit. That's why octogenarians and sterile people still get married: because it's an affirmation of their love for each other and because it provides larger and legal recognition of their commitment. Marriage evolves. I'm thinking of sneaking something subversive and ambiguous into my toast for my brother. Something like: "I hope that you two will always remember the commitment to each other and to God, and I hope that you will always work hard and take responsibility for the successes and failures of your marriage." In other words, don't blame gay people for what happens.

It's weird being back in Moraga. Some things - like the big pot of borsch that my mom makes whenever I come home - never change. Other things, like the giant Orchard Supply and Hardware, do. They're finally tearing down and rebuilding the old Moraga Barn building on School Street. It used to be an alcoholic establishment called the "Moraga Bar," Decades ago, the town made the proprietors change the name so that it wouldn't look so glaringly family-unfriendly. so the owners painted on an "N" and made it the "Moraga Barn." Funny how semantics matter.

Speaking of changing communities: The California State Supreme Court ruled today that local and regional bans against big-box stores (specifically) Wal-Mart, are completely legal and non-discriminatory. You can read about the decision here.